by: Wendy Atterberry - TheFrisky.com
A couple months ago I posted a letter to my younger self, to which many of you responded with letters to your own younger selves in the comment section. Turns out, we had a lot to say to our mini-me’s — from dating advice to style tips, we’ve learned a lot since the days we donned jelly shoes and spent weekends cruising the mall (or should I say we’ve learned a lot since the first time we donned jelly shoes and spent weekends cruising the mall?). I combed through the letters to our younger selves for the best lessons learned and wisdom gained. After the jump, 15 tips for the young women behind us.
1.Drink one glass of water for every cocktail you consume.
2.Appreciate your body and the great shape you’re in.
3.Be nice to your mom.
4.“Screw worrying about being popular because in 10 years all of those people who you thought were so pretty and cool are now chubby accountants with 3 kids and a sexless marriage.”
5.Start an exercise regimen NOW and stick to it.
6.If you have a chance to study abroad, GO.
7.Don’t waste your time mooning over the boy who doesn’t know you exist.
8.“It’s OK to trade on your looks, not just your principled smarts and scruples.”
9.Spend more time with your grandparents.
10.Wear sunscreen every day, and don’t forget your neck and hands!
11.Pay with cash, not credit.
12.Get your eyebrows shaped.
13.Stand up straight — you’ll look thinner and more confident.
14.Always trust your instincts.
15.Never mix Dayquil with alcohol.
Mind Of Man: What’s Wrong With The Word “Panties,” Anyway?
by: John DeVore - TheFrisky.com
It was a total misunderstanding that one time I bought a woman I was dating sexy lingerie, the slinky, lacy kind that looked like it was made out of the doilies that decorated my grandmother’s beloved sofa. She thought I was disingenuously buying her a gift that was really a gift for me. I protested, of course, because it was never my idea to veer into Victoria Secret’s during one of our weekend shopping excursions that were theoretically about her training me to be, if not fashion forward, then at least fashion neutral. A happy compromise, considering I, apparently, was clinging to late-‘90s fashion like a koala bear to the last eucalyptus tree on Earth. But, in fact, these sprees were about her dragging me by the throat to store after store.
I am not partial, nor do I demand, or even, frankly, fantasize, about women in garters, frilly underwear, or a bustier with as much architectural thought put into it as a Gothic church. Lingerie makes a woman feel sexy, and we respond accordingly. If a floral, polyester muumuu made you feel sexy, we’d respond accordingly to that.
Which was fine: she enjoyed it. I enjoyed her enjoyment. After all, she sat through horror movies and dutifully feigned interest in my, ahem, graphic novels. But Victoria’s Secret was a different labor unto itself. Next time you’re at a Victoria’s Secret, note that there are two types of men there. Those who pace around at the front of the store, playing with their phones, counting ceiling tiles, retreating to safe, internal worlds where Mack trucks fight hydras, each waiting patiently, happily even. And then there are those who follow their girlfriends or wives like ducklings, grim, waddling ducklings, making sure not to stare at other women, or the mannequins, nodding their heads approvingly at whatever is showcased, and I mean “whatever.”
The misunderstanding was simple. I thought she liked to wear expensive lingerie, because she sure as hell liked to browse, model, and buy it. She liked to wear it too, vamping out from the bathroom slowly, lighting a vanilla votive candle, a choir of cherubs humming “Super Freak,” crawling over to me. (Question: what is the deal with women and candles that smell like food?) I am not partial, nor do I demand, or even, frankly, fantasize, about women in garters, frilly underwear, or a bustier with as much architectural thought put into it as a Gothic church. Lingerie makes a woman feel sexy, and we respond accordingly. If a floral, polyester muumuu made you feel sexy, we’d respond accordingly to that. Keep wearing your lingerie of course. Just know that your naked body is all we want.
The first time I ever saw a woman in lingerie was a brief-ish fling I had when I had first moved to New York City to become a writer, or a drunk, or somewhere in between (success!). She was older, experienced, urbane, and, for some reason, seduced a boy who, a year or so prior, had been in Texas, eating cheese doodles and watching “Fight Club” on a continuous loop. She taught me a lot, like how to swirl my wine before sipping it, because it stirred up the tannins or flavor crystals or whatever. She introduced me to sushi, to New York magazine, and the reverse cowgirl. One night, before we made love, or to those of you who are romantically challenged, sauced the love taco, she revealed a perfect body sheathed in a purple lattice-work of silk. I was stunned. Her astoundingly beautiful badonkadonk was swaddled in gloriousness. It was like cake on top of cake. Christmas ass! Once I was able to very carefully peel off the lingerie, she used me like the plaything I had no idea I was.
But like Christmas, lingerie is only really necessary once a year. What really drove me nuts was when she’d walk out of the shower after a long day, wearing a t-shirt, a pair of panties peaking out from underneath as she’d crawl into bed. But the lingerie seemed to give her permission to go all sultry sex goddess jungle cat, so I never mentioned a preference. It made her feel sexy. Also, I think women, deep down, love making things pretty, especially packages. The older woman and I exchanged gifts once, I think the occasion was pure treacle, a three month anniversary or something. My gift looked like a Frankenstein’s monster of scotch tape and poorly cut out, uneven lengths of birthday and Valentine’s Day wrapping paper. Her’s was impeccable, seamless, as if it had been born that way.
Dudes will back me up on this, I am sure. We’d prefer you in a t-shirt and a pair of cute little panties over the latest Victoria’s Secret erotic sweatshop skivvies. I am a straight-up sucker for panties. Crumpled on the floor, peaking up from jeans, even panty lines. Sex with panties on, sex with panties on my head. That women seem to hate the word “panties,” only compels me to whisper the word. It’s naughty, perhaps condescending, but I can’t help it. What are we supposed to call them? Undergarments? That’s so… Amish.
Ultimately, whatever makes you feel the way we think about you every minute of the day is fine by us dudes. But cheap, plain, white cotton panties do the trick, too. Little hearts on them don’t hurt.
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7 Sexual Partners That Don’t (Have To) Count
by: Amelia McDonell-Parry - TheFrisky.com
If I was on the witness stand, under oath, and was asked, “How many people have you had sexual intercourse with?” my response would be one or two digits higher than what I commonly tell people. It’s not that in either case I’m lying per se; it’s just that a few of my partners just don’t register on the same scale as the rest and I don’t want to count them. And I’m not alone. In everyday life, there may be a couple partners that the average person would leave out. There is just some sex that doesn’t really, well, count.
IT DOESN’T COUNT IF…
1. ...it lasts less than 10 seconds and no one finished.
Remember the Sneakerhead? On our third date, after eight hours of drinks, a movie, and dinner, we hooked up. And then he stuck it in for five seconds. And then he pulled out, saying he needed to be a gentleman. There was no thrusting. And we never went out again. I downright refuse to count this alongside my best—or worst—sexual experiences. Likewise, a friend of mine technically did it with a guy she’s fondly nicknamed “The Two Pump Chump,” but because he came before she had a chance to blink, he remains off her list in response to most inquiries about her number.
In short, if your tampon has seen more action with your va-jay-jay feel free to not count this particular sexual partner.
2. ...you can’t remember it.
So here is the deal: I know what my exact number is, but I cannot remember WHO one of my partners is. Like, I know I have slept with X amount of people, just based on the number of times I have kept count, but after all these years (five of which were spent with only one person) of not having counted, I forget who one of them was. I can name, or at least picture, every single sexual partner except one. I have no memory of who, what, where, when, or how. I know that person exists, and the sex was had, but because after trying really hard to remember, I am just subtracting Mr. Mysterious from my total. Now, if I were to wake up in the middle of the night saying, “A-ha!” then that person will be added back onto my list, unless, of course, they were finished in under 10 seconds (see #1).
3. ...you didn’t give permission.
Not to get all dark and depressing, but if someone is raped, do they really have to count that person as a sexual partner? I mean, they weren’t a willing participant, so…
Related example, the first person I ever had sex with, um, did it on the sly (long story that you can read here), and though the second time we had sex was with my, you know, permission, I don’t consider that first time as sexual intercourse. I count him among my sexual partners, but not that first time we technically had sex.
4. ...you really, really, really regret it.
This one is a little harder to justify. Have you ever regretted having sex with someone SO MUCH you would do just about anything to have the mental image of their ginormous balls and sweaty gruntingness eradicated from your memory? Some ladies (and maybe fellas) have been known to scratch those dudes off their lists. Wouldn’t hold up in a court of law, but whatevs, I won’t be mad at you.
5. ...you’re less than 51% sure that penetration actually occurred.
This is similar to #2, only alcohol is the culprit, not a crappy memory. if the details are that foggy, lay off the drink, get yourself a pregnancy test/Plan B, and see the gyno to make sure you’re disease free. Then, when you’re in the clear, you can decide if this potential sex partner makes your list.
6. ...he has a bad case of whiskey dick.
I know many a lady who doesn’t really count that guy she tried to have sex with over the course of an evening, but he couldn’t keep it up long enough for her to moan his name once. This is harder to not count, however, if his Johnson does sober up and repairs its reputation. A guy friend of mine performed so poorly with a partner many moons ago, he hesitates to count her, mostly, probably, out of shame.
7. ...it happened in Vegas.
Just kidding, this totally counts. Sorry dudes.
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His Top Five Dating Fears
by eHarmony Advice - personals.aol.com
Most people don't really like to date. It is a necessary stepping stone that they approach with resolve or dread or even fear. Because as much as we all want a person to love and understand us there is a certain element of Russian roulette to dating. Did you draw a dud? Is this person smart and fun? Will this date go down in bad date history? You just never really know.
If the person across the table seems normal, what does that tell you? The first few dates are like job interviews with everyone on their best behavior. Who knows what will happen when your date becomes a real person a couple of months down the line?
Each gender has a unique set of fears based on their biology and the normal socialization that we all go through. In this article, we're going to look at the most common fears that men have when they are considering a dating relationship.
Are these universal? Of course not. Are they common? You bet. Here they are in no particular order.
Fear #1: You'll Come Between Him and His Friends
Oh, he knows you're not going to say, "Listen, I don't want you spending time with your friends." It's much more subtle than that. It can start with a "Sports again? I made plans for us to go on a hike," progress through "That guy Joe is really a jerk!" and on to "I don't like how you act when you're with these guys!" Before he knows it, he has traded a core of life-long friends for a woman who likes to make up rules.
Perhaps these are legitimate observations. He may be boorish when he's around his pals. From his perspective, it doesn't matter. No guy wants to start a relationship with a woman only to end up estranged from his buddies six months later.
Fear #2: You'll Soak Up All of his Free Time
"Together Time" is an interesting concept. Some people need lots of together time when they date -- lots of calls, texts, strolls, and evenings spent watching TV cuddled on the couch. Some feel comfortable with a couple of dates a week. While together time needs vary wildly independent of gender, many men have a fear of being confined in a relationship (just as many women have a fear of being abandoned in a relationship). They worry about an ever increasing schedule of together time activities that cuts into other things they enjoy.
Of course, if he didn't want a relationship he wouldn't be dating, but all men have seen friends who lose their grip on beloved activities once they enter a serious relationship. Guys who love golf and then can't find the time for a round. Guys who take cross country motorcycle trips and then end up selling their bike. Guys who are always good for a round of wings and a football game and then are never free anymore. When a single man thinks about those friends he doesn't think, "Wow, why weren't they strong enough to stand up for the things that were important to them AND have a great relationship?" Instead he thinks, "Danger! Women soak up free time."
Fear #3: You'll Pretend to Be Sane and Turn Out to Be Crazy
Certainly, no one wants crazy in their lives. If there was a crazy-meter that clicked like a Geiger counter whenever you came across a nut job, they would be a mandatory purchase for all daters.
Men are especially scared of the masked crazy woman because they are much worse at reading signs and picking up subtle hints early on. Women seem to be masters at figuring out what's underneath the surface. Men have a harder time looking past the surface and the early date niceties to see what dangers lurk beneath.
But again, this fear is born out of what men have watched their friends endure. The sweet guy who ends up with a woman who calls his cell phone every 20 minutes, who yells at him (more on this below), and cannot be satisfied with any earthly pleasure. We've all seen the look in this poor man's eyes, and thought to ourselves – "I will never let this happen to me."
We know that this guy isn't stupid. He fell in love with an attractive woman who was lots of fun, and somehow after he made his choice and pushed out to sea with her, the water got rough. But it's too late, he's in love, and all her childish rants and demanding illogic can't get him to leave.
A bird's eye view of this kind of relationship can chill a man to the bone. Again, it may be impossible for him to understand how his friend is contributing to this terrible relationship. All he sees is a crazy woman and a pathetic friend.
Fear #4: You Won't Respect Him
A wise psychologist once wrote, "In a relationship, women want to be cherished and men want to be admired." Men do want their partners to admire them. Not in a ticker-tape parade kind of way, but as a quiet nod of respect for what he does and has accomplished. We all know this on some primal level.
There is a scene in the Sam Raimi movie, "A Simple Plan" that illustrates this perfectly. Two brothers find several million dollars out in the woods. They lead happy but humble lives in a small town, and go through many twists and turns trying to figure out how to keep the money and not raise suspicions.
In the end, one brother decides to burn the money and his adoring wife, who has been quiet and supportive the entire film turns on him like a rabid dog. "Do you think I like the life you've made for us? Do you think I like wearing used clothes, and scrimping and saving to go to the grocery store? What kind of man are you?" The entire theater gasps! There's something so cutting in having this woman verbalize her lack of respect for her husband.
In the real world, this presents itself in many ways. Criticizing a man in front of his friends is a typical one. Whether it is true or not, dragging out a foible in front of a guy's friends is humiliating and usually has the friends thinking, "She's airing his dirty laundry! Poor guy."
Fear #5: You'll Be High Maintenance
High maintenance is a term that gets tossed around a lot. Because money makes "high" and "low" relative, we suggest that the whole maintenance scale be replaced with a "fussiness scale." How fussy is your date, and how much fussy can you take? A fussy woman scares men to death.
She's fussy because she cannot be pleased. She has a very narrow range of what is acceptable to her. She likes only certain foods. They must be prepared a certain way. She only likes a few activities. Hiking? "No I don't like to get sweaty." Roller Coasters? "I'm scared." Skiing? "No, I don't like the cold." Any kind of physical discomfort is intolerable. Often times she is quick to suggest things the guy can do to make her more comfortable, "Would you go ask the bartender if I can another drink, this time with more orange juice and less ice?"
Ask her why she's so fussy and she'll say, "This is what I like. Am I wrong to want the things I like?" She may not be wrong to want what she wants, but trying to please here is a full time job.
All this stuff is very scary to most men. Because a woman like this is unlikely to ever utter the most pleasing phrase a man can hear: "You know what? I'm good." When you're at a baseball game and it starts to rain and you forgot your rain gear and you turn to your date and say, "I'm so sorry," and she says, "You know what? I'm good," and smiles, a man's heart does double back flips of joy. Seriously.
When the chips are down and things go wrong, a woman who just kicks back and says, "Who cares? I'm good!" is a beauty to behold.
When it's all said and done, fear drives a large percentage of all our lives. The things we eat. The places we live. The jobs we take. These choices are made based on some mixture of fear of negative outcomes and desire for positive ones. Dating is no different. Knowing what men instinctively fear can be a great way to think about your own behavior and the effect it may have on your dating life. Of course, it takes two to tango and in a relationship if one person is super fussy; the other person is putting up with the super fussy behavior. Each bears some responsibility for the dynamics of their life together.
Fun Facts About Sex Dreams
by Staff, AOL Personals - personals.aol.com
Chances are, you had a sex dream this week. Fully eight percent of our dreams involve sexual situations, according to a new study from psychologists at the University of Montreal in Canada.
Interestingly, women have just as many sex dreams as men, with one important difference: Men are far more likely to have fantasies about sex with imaginary people, while women dream about current or past sexual partners, as well as celebrities, reports HealthDay News.
"Men used to report many more sex dreams, twice as many as women, and we don't find that difference anymore," study author Antonio Zadra, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Montreal, explained to HealthDay News. "Either women are having them more, or they're more likely to report them. Either way, it's interesting."
Even though sex dreams are very common, psychologists haven't paid much attention to them. For this study, the team asked 109 women and 64 men ages 20 to 89, all of whom responded to an ad about the research project, to keep a diary of their dreams for as long as one month. The total number of dreams exceeded 3,500.
What do we dream about?
-- The most common sex dream involved sexual intercourse, followed by flirting, kissing, fantasies and masturbation.
-- Four percent of sex dreams among men and women resulted in an orgasm.
-- 18 percent of women's sex dreams involved unwanted sex, compared with just five percent of men.
-- Nine percent of sex dreams among women and five percent among men involved fantasies about celebrities.
-- Men were far more likely to dream about having sex with more than one person.
-- Four percent of women's dreams featured a partner having an orgasm. None of the men reported this dream.
Zadra explained that if you dream about something, it probably occupies your waking thoughts as well. "If the sex dreams tend to involve unknown or fantasy characters, it is probably a reflection of your waking state, that your desires and fantasies are with strangers," he told HealthDay News.
The study findings were reported at the annual meeting of the Associated Professional Sleep Societies in Minneapolis, Minn.
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Why He's Not in the Mood for Sex
Andrea Zimmerman - LemonDrop.com
Men are expected to be yearning/aching/wanting/thinking about sex every waking moment of every day. Which, we guess, is why the authors of "He's Just Not Up for It Anymore" say women jump to some pretty drastic conclusions about why their men don't want to do the deed.
Here are a few:
1. He's angry.
2. He's not well.
3. He's been traumatized.
4. He's addicted to porn/drugs.
5. He's cheating.
Yikes. While those reasons may, in fact, be valid on rare occasion, we've got a better idea why he doesn't want to jump our bones: He's tired. Read more of this ground-breaking theory after the jump.
Think about it: Sex for gals isn't a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am kinda thing. First, he's gotta convince us we actually want to have sex. (And let's be honest -- we use the "tired" excuse waaaay more often than dudes.) Then, he's gotta warm us up. Then there's foreplay. More foreplay. Even more foreplay. Then finally, sex. It's a process.
Now throw in an awful day at work, a mind-numbing hour-long commute during rush hour, kids (if applicable) and dinner. Perhaps, like us, he's just exhausted. So instead of spazzing that are men are banging their secretaries just 'cause they don't want want to get kinky tonight, give him a break. Or a blowjob. Either way, he'll appreciate it.
My Boyfriend of 3 1/2 Years Lost Interest in Sex
Womens-Health.com
Hi there
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and we had a very good sex life, he constantly wanted to have sex and told me he is having the best sex of his life with me. We get on well and we are very attracted to one another.
I recently came off the pill 6 months ago because i kept getting headaches and felt the pill was affecting it, as soon as i went off the pill my headaches went so I want to stay off it now.
This did not worry my boyfriend and sex carried on as normal, we do the withdrawl method i know it sounds silly but he is very disaplined and i take a herbal supplement that apparently helps as a natural contraceptive..and also work out my fertile days
Anyway over the last few months he has stopped being interested in sex, and never intiates it. He still likes looking a porn and I have noticed he is paying a lot more attention to girls when we are out when he did not previously..maybe i'm just paranoid.
We had sex a few nights ago and we had the light on and as we changed position and i led on my back he stood up to go from behind and he lost his erection, now this happened once before and i got upset and tried to not show it but i did and he noticed and apologised.
the other night he just started to kiss me hoping i would not notice he had lost his erection, and i said what happened and he said that sometimes when he hasn't had sex for a while and he has sex he feels like coming straight away but when he holds back he loses his erection at times, he explained it to me but i went cold and he could feel it, anyway he got it back and we finished sex...i didn't want to make him feel bad but i am sensitive and he could tell i was a bit upset.
I now think maybe our problem was that i make him feel worthless when he loses his erection, or maybe he is scared i may fall pregnant (even though he said he does want children with me) or that he is bored of me.
I take it very personally because i have always been with men that are very attracted to me and enjoyed a great sex life with my past two boyfriends.
Any tips what i can do or what might be the problem?
MrPleazr
Honestly, for men, having to pull out is no fun at all. He may tell you that he's OK with it, but I promise you that he would rather not. Have you considered another method of birth control? All most all methods are more reliable than pulling out. I would suggest condoms....
I would start off by talking to him about it. Ask him to be honest about how he feels about pulling out....It sounds like he wants to make you happy.
amaranthine
He definitely does not want to pull out. The finish is important, and pulling out takes the edge off for men. Why not try talking to your gyn about a different pill that won't give you headaches? Why not use condoms or spermicidal lube? There are many, many options out there better than pulling out. Why not ask about the ring, or injection method?
Also, try to add something new and exciting. I had a small problem with my boyfriend a little while ago, but it turned out most of it was stress.
Regardless, we found lots of other things to keep it interesting. Instead of coming over all the time, I would sometimes stay at home and show him little snips of me over the webcam. My boyfriend says it's like watching porn that he actually gets to sleep with, and it's a big turn on for him. Let him think about what he wants and sleep on it before letting him have it.
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The Signs of Female Arousal : How to Maximize Female Pleasure & Satisfaction
vitanet.net
Believe it or not there are girls out their who experience glass shattering orgasms with little effort.
Learning and applying the Tips and techniques to give a female an orgasm are not as troublesome as you may think. Think simplicity its self!
In the animal world there’s no hormonal imbalance, fatigue, emotional luggage, crap past or disconnected present. All ladies have the ability and capacity to enjoy having sex with their partner. Yet many can’t or will not ever reach that moutain top.
Sexual fears and frustrations could be a dominating reason why many ladies can’t experience orgasm. The nature of the girl is complicated and rooted in psychology, and one of those things that will scare an orgasm away is the absence of closeness and security inside the relationship.
The first of the tips to give a female an orgasm is that ladies are rather hard-wired to want an emotional connection together with their sexual activity. For those ladies where intimacy and security are experienced, and their emotional wants met ( at least some of the time ) by their partner, sex is a positive medium for self-expression and delight. If there are sexual issues inside the confines of an otherwise good relationship, look to a few of the reasons below:
A sad or violent past. A percentage of girls(and boys) in America have been sexually molested or abused. Many girls work their way back to a healthy perspective towards sexual activity either on their lown or through the support of others. However some of the pain can linger and effect them later in life. An understanding approach is required, and good communication can help deepen intimacy and trust.
Other tips to give a female an orgasm are being a gentlemen. Men should try and pile on the love, the care, the softness and most significantly learn how to listen and talk. You’ll be startled at what kind of reponse - either in or outside the bedroom, you’ll get by listening and lending a compassionate ear. Being open to what she likes and enjoys in the bedroom and focusing on her enjoyment and pleasure is one of the best ways to give a female an orgasm. By showing your concern for her desires, you are immediately breaking down barriers and making her feel more at ease and relaxed, but be patient! Try using sensual intimacy methods like tantra massage, cooking for her, allotting a particular time for only her, having a long bath together and after all of these relaxation methods you need to better mood and emotion.
Common Hormonal issues such as birth and aging (over 50) could cause a jolt to the hormonal balance of a woman, which in turn could send her libido running. A visit to the doctor could help ladies by addressing the underlying hormonal causes, and hormonal treatments could bring the condition under control. At the same time there are some natural tips to give a female an orgasm even with hormonal issues. Natural cures like Provestra, an all natural supplement that works to bring back hormonal balance and deal with loss of libido in ladies may do the trick.
She may have lost that loving feeling. Because women attach so much significance to intimacy and love, when those things are compromised, she might have difficulty making the jump to sexuality. When love between couples takes a nose dive, the 1st place to take casualties is the bedroom. Experienced male lovers will know that to keep the girl in his life drawn to him than he must keep her sexuality alive! If your relationship is taking a battering, then no doubt your sex life is going to be injured, so that is the reason why you want to take evasive measures to keep it alive. Here are a few good additions to your love box of tools : Vigorelle creme - a pleasant, sweet and a touch warming creme to add lubrication and heat to her personal parts. It can also act as a nice surprise when given by a beloved partner or employed in any kind of sexual action. Provestra - as a daily rev-up to the womans libido, this 100% natural, herbal-based supplement nourishes the complete female reproductive system.
However despite all our efforts - it really is in a woman’s hands - I mean her female sexual pleasure and arousal!
The best thing of all is to encourage the girl to take control of her very own pleasure. By that we mean : any thing that she would like to do or explore. Any way of achieving orgasm is OK. Anything the girl wishes to bring to the bedroom that may inspire her, increase her pleasure and stimulate her mind, body and soul. Just stay connected!
Choosing an Online Dating Service
by Noreen Ruth
If you're new to online dating, just the vast number of sites available for you to choose from can be daunting. To make the process easier the first and probably most important decision to make is to define exactly what you're looking to get out of a dating service. Are you looking for a lifelong relationship, a friend to share common interests, a sexual encounter or a chat buddy?
The top dating services. such as Yahoo! Personals, eHarmony and Match.com focus on one type of relationship. On these sites you know upfront what the other members are looking for when you make contact. If you are not exactly sure about your specific intentions, check out the sites that offer more than one type of relationship within the same site. Be sure you look for one that has the different communities separated so that you don't have to guess what the intentions of the poster may be.
Know Who You Want to Meet
Dating services will bring positive results only when you're able to see a mental picture of the person you would want to meet and find words to describe him or her in details that convey the traits that are most important to you. Consider not only the physical attributes of the person but their personality, lifestyle, hobbies, religious and political preferences. If there is one trait that is a 'must-have', consider searching for a dating service that specializes in bringing together people who share that common interest. The specialty dating services you can visit are as diverse as your imagination -- biker babes, vegans, pet-lovers, pagan, etc.
Site Features Make the Process Easier
Who has time to click through thousands of profiles to find the 'perfect' match? The tools that are offered on a site can make your search faster, more relevant and ultimately more fun. Matchmaking features offer you a way to 'fine-tune' your search so that you're not wading through profiles that are far from the results you're looking for. Some sites run your search on a regular basis automatically and send new prospects that meet your profile to your email. On a general dating site, you may receive several profiles each day. If, however, you opt to use a more 'serious' service (designed for people looking for a marriage partner), you may receive one or two matches a month.
Take Personality Tests As a way to help their clients learn about themselves and their potential partners, personality tests are offered. The more established sites often offer more insightful and detailed tests. The results of these tests, which are free with your membership, help to define compatible members. One thing to consider is whether the results are a good reflection of you, if so it stands to reason that the potential matches on the site will be reflecting their true nature, as well.
Check Out the Communications
Communication is the key to a great relationship. When choosing a dating service, consider what communication opportunities are included. If you're just trying out a service, you will probably be given limited ability to communicate (often limited to flirty icons and preset messages) with prospective dates to determine whether you want to continue at the next level which would require a subscription to the service. Once you subscribe, communication between members is usually with an on-site email or instant messaging. Typically, the more you pay for a service the more options will be available to you.
Entertainment Options If you're not looking for a serious relationship, there's still a place for you on many dating service websites. More and more sites are now offering chat rooms and forums to make friends. Entertainment features may also include quizzes, polls, contests, articles and newsletters.
Using the Service When Out of the Country
Established online dating services have extended their services into other countries around the world. You can connect in 27 different countries on Match.com; Yahoo! Personals has a new Canadian service. If you find yourself in another country, this service is a good way to chat in your native language.
Cost and Payment Options First look for free trials and try out all the features before committing to a service. The cost of using an online dating service is typically between $20 and $25 a month. With the cost pretty standard across the board, the value of your subscription is in the services offered that you will actually use. If you sign up for a service and don't take advantage of the benefits they offer, you're wasting your money. Look for discounts for signing up for several months or for joining with a friend. Some services accept money orders or checks, but most prefer credit or debit card payments.
More Resources
Be sure to explore the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) section of the service you're considering. Visit the site and explore the options available. Don't stick around too long, if you aren't enjoying the experience. Check out a great dating service review site, http://www.dateshowcase.com - Compare Best Internet Dating Sites.
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