Dating Tips, Relationship Advice and Sexuality!: Dating Advice - Relationships

Prescription for a Broken Heart
Love Advice from Love-Sessions

Being heartbroken is a pain that no one can understand until they have experienced it for themselves. You obviously have, therefore are aware of how fragile your heart is right now. Healing a broken heart will take time, but is not impossible, though it may feel that way at the time. It is never an easy process to go through, but with the right prescription, you will be on your way to recovery and happiness again.

The first thing you should keep in mind is that it is okay to feel sad and grieve about what happened and that you are not stupid for doing so. It is perfectly normal to feel sad and cry after a break up. You have invested most of your time and all of your love and interest into your ex-partner; therefore will go through a sad and painful withdrawal. It is notable that you not grieve all on your own. Sure, there will be times when you will just want to be alone and undisturbed. However, it is important that you talk to your friends and family about it. Talking about it is not only healthy, but will mend your heart quicker because you will release the thoughts and facts that are hurting you so much. Seeking professional advice will be a great help to you as well because your mind will open up and see new perspectives and understandings of what happened. It will help you gather your strength, pick yourself up, and find the happiness you deserve to have.

Accepting the fact that you and your ex-partner are no longer together is a necessity if you are going to start mending your broken heart. If you catch yourself unable to function due to constantly thinking about your ex or repeatedly calling or visiting him or her for another chance, then chances are you are suffering from love addiction and should seek counseling. Discontinuing a serious relationship is emotionally challenging and can drive you to do things that are unhealthy for your self-being. To avoid entering such hazardous areas, keep yourself occupied. Go out with your friends and family to help get your mind off the break up. It is best to spend as less time alone as you can in the first few weeks of your breakup so that your emotions can slowly and patiently form back into their normal pattern.

Fight the thoughts that tell you that you are a failure and are to blame for the end of your relationship. When a relationship ends it means that the two of you were no longer compatible and that always takes two, not just you. Instead of beating yourself up over what has transpired, examine your ex-relationship by listing the things you enjoyed most about it and then the things that disappointed you and what you believe really caused the breakup. Look at the relationship as a learning experience and an opportunity to improve your relationship skills, and a way to realize what you truly need and want from a romantic relationship.

Learning to forgive yourself and your ex-lover will speed up the healing process for the reason that you will feel more peaceful and calm about it. Hating your ex will only build up tension and stress in your life, causing your emotions to slow down from getting back to order. One way to avoid bitterness against your ex-partner is to look at the breakup as a favor. Appreciate their honesty of no longer wanting to pursue the relationship, instead of giving you high hopes for a possible future together. It is always an advantage to exit a relationship that had no chances to survive than to be misled.

Conquer your fear of being alone. You need to help yourself understand that it is not abnormal to be on your own and that your values come from who are rather than whom you are with. Teach yourself that there is more to life than romantic relationships by spending quality time with your friends and family. Learn more about whom the other people in your life are and introduce more of yourself to them as well. Go out and do things together and treat yourself to something you enjoy, whether it is your favorite restaurant, shopping, going to the movies, or anything else. Learning to you be your own best friend will not only improve your relationship with yourself, but with others as well. As you begin to discover the other beauties of life and yourself, you will become more stable and stronger to face anything that crosses your path, such as a new relationship in the future.

Before you consider entering another relationship, take a step back and ask yourself why you want to do so. Make sure that you are not entering a new relationship on a rebound. This will only leave you with unfinished emotions and you will never have closure from your former relationship. Never begin a new relationship because you are afraid of being on your own, or feel the need to just be in a relationship. Form a relationship with someone new because you feel strong and secure on your very own and feel that you are ready to attempt a new romance. Take it one step at a time and keep in mind of what your needs and desires are from a person and observe closely to see if they show signs of the qualities you are looking for. As soon as you notice that he or she is not, then get out of it as soon as possible. Learning from your previous relationships will come in very handy because you will be able to prevent similar situations in the future, leading you to meeting the people who fit your description of a perfect partner.

Lastly, remind yourself that love is a wonderful feeling and experience and should not be generalized based on your past experiences. Do not use facts about your ex as a way to judge new people in your life. Leave your past behind you and focus on moving ahead. Get to know new people for who they are, not by comparing them to others, what they are not, or what they could be. Once you have observed their personality, values and everything else, trust yourself to make the right decisions without constantly doubting yourself. If you wish to try having a new relationship, then do so. If you do not however, then do not feel guilty to kindly walk away from the situation. You would be doing both you and the other a person a huge favor and saving time and emotions from being hurt. You have nothing to fear or worry about. After all, there will always be one person who will always love you, appreciate who you are and be there for you. . . and that is YOU.

Are you Addicted to Bad Relationships?
Love-Sessons

Do you often find that you involve yourself in relationships that disappoint you? Are you not getting what you need and desire from the people you choose to date? Does there always seem to be something missing? If you answered yes to one or all of those questions, you could very well be addicted to disappointing and bad relationships, setting yourself up for failure without even knowing it. There are ways you can determine whether you are addicted or not, and ways you can break the addiction and start getting what you have always wanted from a relationship.

Before we cover the symptoms of addiction, it is important that we cover the dangers of staying in a bad relationship. Since bad relationships lack what one or both partners' need, stress becomes a regular part of your life, as well a gradual lowering of your self-esteem, which will make you unable to focus on your career and personal life with the concentration and care needed, in order for you to be happy. The constant stress will produce chemical changes in your body that drain your energy and make you more eligible for physical illnesses. Physical abuse in a relationship is obvious to cause a lot of physical harm, along with great psychological damage, but in spite of these facts, many people still choose to proceed with such relationships, finding themselves trapped and incapable of leaving. They find themselves depressed, on a search for some relief and unfortunately becoming depressed and possibly turning to drugs and alcohol.

So what are the symptoms of this addiction? Ignoring the truth would be one. If you truly know that the relationship you are in is making you unhappy but make no effort to exit from it, then you are in denial and are holding yourself hostage in a situation you do not have to be in. Making excuses for your partner's disappointing and bad behavior will keep you trapped and is another huge symptom of bad relationship addiction, especially if the excuses you produce do not back up the facts and are unrealistic. If you do finally build up the courage to confront your partner to leave him or her but are overcome with fear and therefore back off from the confrontation, you are a high and sure victim of addiction because no matter what you attempt, you find yourself always giving in and holding on to what you know is bad for you. Suffering from both physical and mental discomfort once broken up, unless you get back together, is yet another symptom of addiction and should not be denied or ignored.

What causes addiction to bad relationships? There are several levels and everyone's addiction is different and varies. One common reason is the feeling and belief that if you end the relationship, you will never find anyone else who could possibly be interested in you or love you. You grow so attached to your partner that you forgot your life before him or her, making you feel fearful of being on your own and taking care of yourself. Fear of criticism is another reason many people remain in bad relationships. They are afraid of what people will say, believing that ending a relationship means that they are a failure and being alone is unacceptable and terrifying. Other reasons may be financial support that you are receiving from a partner, making you feel that you should tolerate bad behavior from your lover, since they are supporting you. Having a child together can also blind you or cause you to deny a bad relationship, making you feel guilty for leaving your child's mother or father. On a deeper level, you could be addicted to disappointing and bad relationships due to your upbringing or experiences as a child yourself. Perhaps you were not nurtured or loved enough and you now think it is normal to be neglected from love, care and understanding.

What should you do and how can you break a bad relationship addiction? Since this addiction is difficult and basically impossible for you to end on your own, counseling would be the best assistance for you. Find a counselor or service in which experts provide their services through, and take that first step in accepting the fact that you have an addiction and that you need and want help to conquer it. Start being a best friend to yourself and open the door to all the feelings you have kept locked up for so long. Stay focused and encourage yourself frequently by setting a goal, and picturing yourself away from all the disappointment and closer to all the happiness and good health you need, desire and deserve as a person. Never give up and know that you are not alone. There are people who can help you, know how to help and will help you. Mainly, keep in mind that there will always be a person who will be by your side and never leave you, always giving you the strength, love and support you need-and that person is YOU.

Customized Girl

Six Dating Icebreakers To Start a Conversation
By Bonny Albo, About.com

A great pickup line serves several purposes: to break the ice, to start a conversation, to show interest and/or to get to know another person better.

So whether you are looking to chat with the cute stranger you see every day in line at the coffee shop, or trying to make conversation during a first date, try one of these 10 great pickup lines that easily cover all four criteria - and see where the conversation takes you.

Think you have a better pickup line than any of the ones listed here? Then scroll down to the bottom of this article and submit your own suggestions.

1. What does your name mean? Asking someone with an unusual first or last name is a great icebreaker, especially if they have a story to tell. If nothing else, you'll learn more about your intended interests' background and family history, and can ask more questions as they provide more details.

2. How do you fit into the picture here? There are several variations on this question, such as asking how someone knows the party host, or how they came across the band whose gig you're both at. This kind of question is especially fun if you are at a larger gathering where everyone seems to know everyone else, because oftentimes you'll get introductions to everyone else as well.

3. If you won a free education, what would you go back to school for - or would you go back at all? Not only does this question tell you what they went to school for (and if they took any post-secondary classes at all), but also provides you with a hint as to their goals, aspirations and dreams.

4. Can you suggest something? Depending on where you are will determine what exactly you are asking a suggestion for. Coffee shops and bookstores/libraries are great for this icebreaker, as are local eateries, pubs, sporting events and grocery stores. By asking someone's opinion and advice, you are showing your interest, and if you take them up on their suggestion, you can then compare and contrast your experiences for a bit longer of a chat. Turning this pickup line into a date isn't terribly difficult either; just ask them if they'd like to explore more of whatever was suggested, together, at a later date.

5. Can you reach that for me? Perhaps you are trying to get a touch of sunscreen on your back, or maybe you are unable to reach something on the top shelf. Either way, this icebreaker will get the two of you in close physical contact (if not touching in the case of the sunscreen) so that you can make smiling eye contact to show your interest. Don't let the apple of your eye get away with a mere, "Sure," however; try starting a conversation about the item in question, whether or not sunscreen really helps, or some other related item in the vicinity.

6. You look familiar. Did we meet at John's -insert crazy, unusual or outlandish event here- ? This pickup line works in almost any situation, as long as you have a ready-made meeting place with which to start with. Perhaps try unusual but tame, "metal basket weaving class" or "underwater poetry reading" or strange, "pistachio eating contest". The point is to make the person forget about John and ask about the thought-provoking event you mentioned. You'll get bonus Brownie points if you can actually come up with a real-life gathering that requires explanation and further discussion.

PMS Is No Excuse
By Sarah Stefanson Relationship Correspondent - AskMen.com

PMS is no excuse for your girl's outrageous behavior
You probably know your girlfriend’s cycle as well as she does, since you can schedule in the exact time of the month that it’s best not to push her buttons or even be present without bearing chocolate. For many women, the two-week period leading up to her period is filled with unpleasant physical and emotional symptoms of premenstrual syndrome or PMS.

Any smart man knows that handling her period means taking it easy on his lady during this time to avoid getting his head bitten off in a premenstrual rage. Being extra nice to your girl while she’s in full PMS mode is a good idea, but she shouldn’t be able to use her monthly condition as an excuse to turn into the Wicked Witch of the West and treat you like a lowly flying monkey minion.

Since she may be suffering from any of the more than 200 symptoms associated with PMS, it’s understandable that she may be a little moody or not feel all that sexy, but there are some things that women think they can get away with by saying “It’s PMS!” that aren’t really justifiable.

PMS is no excuse for starting an argument
When she's miserable, she may want you to feel her pain and be just as unhappy as she is. She might use her premenstrual status as an excuse to pick fights with you on completely unrelated subjects. When this happens, it’s important not to take the bait. Tell her you know she’s not feeling herself at the moment and you think you should postpone a conversation about whatever is annoying her until a more appropriate time. Whatever you do, don’t start screaming back. There is no way you can win an argument under these conditions.

PMS is no excuse for being disrespectful
If your girlfriend becomes a master of underhanded insults just before her period, you should not let her get away with it. She may try to blame her "delicate state" for calling you every name in the book, but you have to stand up for yourself and let her know that PMS is no excuse and you do not deserve to be treated that way at any time of the month. You should also not let her use PMS as justification for being rude to your friends or family members. Any insults you wouldn’t let her get away with at the end of her cycle shouldn’t be tolerated during this time either.

PMS is no excuse for manipulation
She might like the world to revolve around her while she’s going through PMS, but your lives do not stop just because she’s a little bloated and cranky. Unless her symptoms are severe, trying to back out of a planned family dinner or an important work event because it’s that time of the month is not acceptable. With that said, don’t expect her to be up for a round of passionate lovemaking when she’s experiencing abdominal cramps and breast tenderness either. Keep your demands on her within reason.

PMS is no excuse for physical violence
Physical violence has no place in a loving relationship, and neither of you should be allowed to get away with striking the other under any circumstances. If she gets violent when she has PMS, she’ll probably eventually allow the same thing to happen at other times of the month. If your girl is a hitter, you should either get her some help or get out of the relationship.

no ifs ands or pms

The exception to these rules is if your girl suffers from a genuine psychological condition called premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), which affects 3% to 8% of women, and is considered debilitating. PMDD makes it difficult or impossible for a woman to function normally in her social and professional life. If this is the case, treatment is highly recommended. However, unless she suffers from this serious disorder, PMS is no excuse to incite her to lose her mind once a month like clockwork and throw all your stuff out on the lawn.

5 New, Better Ways to Please Your Woman
Mens Health

A lot has changed in the bedroom in 37 years, and not just the shag rug. The Joy of Sex was a seminal instructor when it came out in 1972, but it lacked insight into how both partners could please each other. A new edition, revised by a woman, arrives this month. Modernize your approach with these tips.

Outdated: If she likes it, keep doing it
Updated: Never stop experimenting
Her body's sensitivity changes as her arousal level rises. "Experiment and retrace your steps, so that instead of becoming fixated on one point, you visit a series of sensitive points regularly," says relationship expert Susan Quilliam, who revised the book. Set up simple codes she can use: "up" or "down" for where to move your hand, for example. Or ask her, "How's this feel, one to 10?" then vary the pressure.

Outdated: Fantasy is for the lonely
Updated: She needs the distraction
During sex, men focus on the oncoming climax (or baseball stats). Women's minds wander, often into fantasy. To reach orgasm, she needs to clear her head and turn off her brain's fear center. "Fantasy is a way for her to disconnect her mind, and it becomes an important part of deactivating her fear center," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. Encourage her release by constructing an erotic fantasy before things heat up. Then, Quilliam says, you can whisper provocative sentences to each other in turn, building a story she can get lost in.

Outdated: Control the pace
Updated: Let her take over
In almost every culture's history, the man takes the lead in sex. But that's a patriarchal hang-up, says Quilliam. Let her control the pace and intensity (either initially or totally, depending on the mood), so that you both know what's best for her. The more fun she has, the better for you. Encourage her to be on top: It allows her to take advantage of a full range of positions—facing you, facing away, even sitting cross-legged on you. "There's a lot of value in just being a still object of resistance," Kerner says.

Outdated: Erotic spots are predictable
Updated: Different touches bring different results
Her clitoris, vagina, and urethra are interconnected, and researchers believe that stimulating any one of them may contribute to overall arousal. Quilliam suggests branching out and teasing what some call the U-spot—an area between her clitoris and vagina, located near the entrance to her urethra. Use soft, circular motions with your finger. "Urethral nerves are very sensitive, so stimulation here creates a particular kind of arousal—a soft, melting form of climax," Quilliam says. Make sure your hands are clean, though—the area is infection-prone.

Outdated: Speed thrills
Updated: Slow down
Pulling back when she's near climax and then resuming can enhance her orgasm. "Suspense raises the psychological arousal level," Quilliam says. Ask her to tell you when she's near the top, and then pull back for a few minutes to kiss and concentrate on other parts of her body. Repeat several times—build up, back off—until you take her over the edge. Don't fear ruining a moment. It takes 5 to 10 minutes for arousal to really subside, so even if she thinks she's "lost it," you're probably equipped to bring her back.

Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
By Heather Corinna - Scarleteen

One of the biggest misnomers about partnered sex is that vaginal intercourse is "going all the way," is the only "real" sex, and is some sort of final goal to sexuality, which is unfortunate... and untrue. It's also untrue that heterosexual, vaginal intercourse is the only sexual activity which presents the possibility of both or either physical and emotional risks.

This idea has contributed to a whole lot of confusion and disappointment for many who have first intercourse or any other kind of first-time sex, and wonder where the fireworks and trumpets were, or why it wasn't all they thought it would be. Even when we're not talking about heterosexual vaginal intercourse, any kind of genitally-interlocking sex is often framed as "taking it to the next level," even though in plenty of relationships, or for plenty of people, that may not be any sort of "next" or "higher" level at all, especially if one or both people involved really aren't and don't feel ready. It can be a big shocker to presume a sexual activity unrisky and then discover you've got a sexually transmitted infection, or feel some heartbreak from something you thought had nothing to do with your heart at all. Too, some of all that hoopla about why intercourse is THE sex can have to do with the fact that it's often where the greatest risks are taken.

To have any kind of sex be important and satisfying, and as good as it can possibly be, anticipating, recognizing and managing those possible risks -- both the wanted and unwanted ones -- is a big help.

If you're considering having any kind of genital sex -- manual sex, oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex -- for the first time or for any time thereafter, there are a bunch of things you and your partner should know and evaluate, especially with an activity like heterosexual intercourse, where pregnancy is an additional risk. The best sex is pretty much always the sex everyone involved really wants and is earnestly ready for. So take stock, see where you stand in terms of a readiness ideal and get real!

A Reality Check Quickie
Intercourse or other partnered genital sex will not necessarily do any of the following for you or your partner:

--Guarantee a longer-lasting or closer relationship than you already have
--Give you or them an orgasm, or mind-blowing, earth-moving pleasure
--Feel great the first time, or feel like the ninth circle of hell, either
--Give you increased status or importance with your friends or partner
--Make you more mature, or grown-up, or a "real" man or woman

There's a lot to think about when deciding if it is right for you and your partner to have vaginal intercourse or other genital sex for the first time. Here are a few basic questions to ask of yourself, and to ask of your partner.

Why do I want to do this?
If either of you wants to do it because you feel you must or should, because one of you is pressuring the other, you're getting pressure from friends, or if you're having troubles in your relationship and you think sex will fix it, take a biog pause right there. Sex between people should only happen when it is what both people very enthusiastically and actively want it, and not just because they think it'll make the other person happy (or get them to stop nagging). Another thing to give you pause might be if you're fantasizing about sex based on movies or television. Remember how in Tom and Jerry cartoons, Tom could hit a wall and walk away from it just fine, and you knew that wouldn't work in real life? Same goes with a lot of sex in movies and television; it isn't often as it appears.

On the other hand, if you've been with your partner long enough (whatever that means to you) to feel good about considering sex with them, feel a strong desire for sex yourself, and have a solid level of other sexual experience (including kissing, petting, masturbation); you feel you can trust yourself and your partner with limits; if you're looking to explore your sexual relationship responsibly and sensitively, and for some greater intimacy and sexual exploration with no notion any certain result -- positive or negative -- is guaranteed, and you've got a firm grip on reality, read on.

I'd also suggest checking in with yourself to be sure that sex is what you really want from sex. In other words, take some time to think about what you're looking for in having sex with someone else, and that what you're seeking really is sex, rather than, for example, more general physical affection, personal validation, a way to cement your relationship, some kind of risk when you're feeling stagnant in your life, friendship or other things that certainly can be aspects of sex, but which sex might also not really tend to or be the best choice to address or accomplish.

Who do I want to do this for?
If it's for you, and your partner as well as you: fantastic. But if it is for someone else primarily, and not for yourself -- or JUST for yourself -- stop now. Other people, just like you, have hands and fingers. They know how to use them to get off, and you can rest assured they've been using them long before you came along. Sex with someone else shouldn't just be about self-gratification; that's what masturbation is for. If your friends are saying you should, with no understanding of your relationship, or your own needs, they're being crappy friends. A lot of friends who pressure their friends to have sex do so because they don't feel all that good about their own choices, and want to hide behind endorsing sex to make themselves feel better. Tell them to carry their own baggage, not try and pass it off on you.

What do I expect from intercourse or genital sex?
It's smart to take stock of what your expectations are, and give them a reality check. Talk to a friend who has had intercourse or other genital sex who is really honest with you (or an older sibling or family member) about what you expect, and listen to their own experiences. Gather diverse perspectives: one person's sexual experiences can often vary a lot from those of another.

The truth is, if you have a list as long as Santa's of sexual expectations, it isn't very likely they'll all be met. Sex is often not what we expect, whether the difference between our expectations and reality is positive, negative, or just another ball of wax. Often -- with sex or anything else -- the less we expect, the more we often receive. Intercourse or other genital sex isn't a miracle cure for anything, and it isn't always a fireworks show: it can be a wonderful, natural affirmation of intimacy, and an excellent physical and emotional experience as long as you're ready for it and take it at face value, without romanticizing it or imagining it to be something it is not. The sex you have with someone else tends to be a mirror of your relationship: if your relationship is lousy, the sex within it isn't likely to be better or to improve the relationship.

Some studies show that a good 30% of people never have sex again with the partner they lose their virginity (which is defined in those studies as vaginal intercourse, so your mileage may vary) to. Only about 25% of women usually report enjoying first intercourse, and less than 8% report orgasm from first intercourse. Those bummers most likely had to do with being ill-prepared in general, simply not knowing the basics, both partners not being equally invested in one another, and overall, with unrealistic expectations: in other words, they were not about something being terribly wrong with people, but about people's expectations being out of whack. The cultural idea that the first sex is the best sex is almost always off-kilter: sex is one of those things that tends to improve for people over time; which gets better with time and experience, rather than starting off perfect and fantastic and either staying there or getting worse or boring.

Am I really prepared to handle all aspects of intercourse and/or other genital sex?
There's a lot to juggle; probably more than you think. Here are what we see as the basics for what we usually need materially, physically, emotionally and interpersonally for partnered sex to be enjoyable, safe, physically gratifying, and emotionally sound.

THE CHECKLIST: Relationship Items:
--I am able to create limits (to say no to anything when I want to as well as yes) and can and do trust my partner to respect them. My partner can do same, and can trust me in regard to limits and boundaries.
--I feel I can assess what I want for myself, and separate it from what my partner, friends or family want.
Sex of any kind is absolutely optional for us both: it isn't or doesn't feel like a requirement. If I had to put sex on hols at any time, for any reason, or we had to wait a little longer for it, it'd be no big deal.
--I am able to trust my partner, and am trustworthy myself.
--I can tell my partner what I want sexually and emotionally, and when I do and do not like something, and I feel my partner can do the same. I can talk to my partner about sex comfortably, and be honest and forthright -- even when it's awkward -- and they can do the same with me.
--I am comfortable being unclothed with my partner and physically intimate and affectionate with them, as well as comfortable with and able to be honest and accepted about my gender identity and gender roles with my partner.
Both myself and my partner can be honest with each other about our sexual history.
--I care about my partner's health, emotions and general well-being, and act -- not just talk -- accordingly, and can say the same for them. Any kind of sex between us so far feels balanced, like it is about pleasure for both of us, not just one of us.
--I feel like the emotional and intellectual maturity levels of my partner and myself are the same or similar.
--I feel I have a good handle on what consent to sex is and also what non-consent is.
Emotional Items:
--I don't have any strong religious, cultural or family beliefs or convictions right now that this sex or partner for me, right now, is wrong.
--I can and do take full responsibility for my own emotions, expectations and actions, as can and does my partner.
--I can handle -- even if I don't like -- being disappointed, confused, or upset, as can my partner. I can also handle positive feelings which might surprise me.
--I have at least one member of my family, a friend or some other trusted person -- who is not my sexual partner -- who cares for me and knows me well who I can talk to with complete honesty about sex, my sexuality and sex life, my sexual relationships, and who I know will always have my back and be honest with me -- even when they have to say something I don't like -- and my partner has someone like that in their life, too.
--I can intellectually separate sex from love -- even when I love the person I am considering or having sex with -- and do not seek to have sex to use it to manipulate, control or influence myself, my partner, or anyone else, or to try and "earn" or prove love.
--I understand that having sex could change my relationship for good or for the worse, and feel I can handle whatever may happen, good or bad alike. I'm ready to be surprised.
--I am prepared to deal with social or cultural judgment based on my choice to be sexually active as a young person.
--I feel I can emotionally handle a possible pregnancy (if applicable), disease or infection, or rejection from my partner.
--I do really want to have sex, not something else I'm hoping sex will substitute for.
Physical Items:
--I have had some kind of basic healthcare, whatever disease and infection testing I need and can obtain, and my partner has had also had regular basic healthcare, and disease and infection testing as needed.
--I understand the basics of my own anatomy and my partners anatomy, as well as the basics of sex, STIs and human reproduction, when applicable.
--I have a good idea of when I am sexually aroused, and also know when I am not, have some idea of what I need to be aroused, or when I simply cannot get aroused, and I have a similar familiarity with my partner's arousal, and they with their own.
--I can relax during physical affection and sexual activities without a lot of fear, anxiety or shame.
--I can handle a mild level of physical pain or discomfort that might happen now and then, and am also comfortable with experiencing physical pleasure in front of my partner.

Are you a woman thinking about heterosexual intercourse? If you are, become acquainted with what options and limitations there are for you -- particularly if you are a legal minor -- when it comes to an accidental pregnancy. Using reliable birth control, especially two methods, makes pregnancy much less likely, but even good methods used properly fail sometimes. If you absolutely, positively do NOT want to become pregnant and/or remain pregnant, and you either are not okay with abortion, or may not be able to obtain an abortion (due to laws in your state or country like parental notification laws, finances, lack of an abortion provider near you), our very best suggestion is just to stick with the kinds of sex which do NOT present pregnancy risks until you are of an age or in a position to be able to make whatever choice you'd want to with a pregnancy.

Material Items:
--I have several up-to-date, good quality latex condoms, dams and/or gloves -- whichever I need for the specific sexual activities I want to engage in -- and both ---I and my partner know how and when to use them, and are both willing to do so without argument in line with the infection risks we wish to reduce.
--I have a large bottle of latex-safe lubricant (KY, Liquid Silk, Astroglide, Wet, etc.) for use as needed.
--If I am having opposite-sex intercourse, and I or my partner are not comfortable using condoms alone, I have a secondary method of birth control. If I am using condoms alone, I and my partner know how to use them properly and know my partner will do his or her part to always use them.
--I have a list, or know where to find one easily, of local sexual health clinic or gynecologist phone numbers.
--I have some money of my own, or access to money, I can use at any time to take care of any needed birth control, safer sex items and annual testing and sexual health care or sexual crisis management, like abortion, for myself or my partnership AND/OR am aware of and participating in a national, state or city program which can provide me with, or subsidize all or some of, my needed birth control, safer sex, sexual health or sexual crisis management, like abortion.
--I am covered under a health insurance policy or public health program, which could cover pregnancy, neonatal care, gynecological visits, STI testing and/or birth control, or I have or can raise the funds to pay for these services myself.

Those material items are ideal to prevent and deal with disease, illness, infections or pregnancy (when applicable). Obviously, your mileage may vary when it comes to what sexual health and sexuality items might be covered by your insurance or your country, city or state's services provided to you for free or low-cost. These items may also be limited by your age or personal or family means. There is no sex, save masturbation -- no matter how long you and your partner have known each other, or what you have convinced yourself of -- that does not carry some risks, no matter how safe you play it, and reducing and managing those risks often costs money.

Some things were not included. For instance, I didn't say you needed to be able to insist on using a condom if your partner didn't want to use one, because a partner who doesn't want to take good care of both of you isn't one you should be sleeping with. It's really that simple. Toss the checklist to your partner too: talk about the items on it together. This is about both of you. You may find that simply discussing the reality of the situation makes a big difference for you both. A lot of sex is innate and intuitive, and it is perfectly normal to feel driven by our libido and our emotions, but it isn't smart to ignore good sense and responsible behavior, or the practical parts of sex, because of those feelings and desires. Rather, when we have our basic needs in place, it can be a lot easier to be spontaneous and free-spirited with sex.

That's a lot to look at, we know. How did you do? What do you have already set, and what might you need to look into evaluating, talking about or acquiring?

Realistically, even most adults will not check every single thing on this list. But we can safely say that any person who is realistically ready for partnered genital sex should have a lot of what is on this list, as should their partner. If you can see some areas where you're lacking, give yourself some time to think about them, maybe re-evaluate, slow down, and take extra time before you become sexually active to work on being able to say "yes" to those items. When you see weak spots in what you've got on the list, how about just doing some work on those? In talking to a partner who feels they're ready, you might want to remember this list so that you can better articulate and explain in what areas you don't feel you or they are really ready.

There isn't a statute of limitations on your sex life, and it doesn't begin or end with intercourse. You can initiate any level of it at any time during your life, and change what you want to do as you go along, determining at any time what is best for you, and for your partner(s). If you haven't checked almost all of the things on those lists, take a look at the ones you didn't check and try and figure out what you need to do for yourself right now. There is no reason to set yourself up for a fall, or rush into something that won't be enjoyable or rewarding, when it isn't going to go away if you wait. Be honest with yourself, and above all else, do what is right for YOU.

The A-Z of Sex Lingo---Impress Your Friends and Colleagues with Your Repertoire of Sexual Lingo
Courtesy of TheSite.org.

Agrexophilia: You like other people know you're having it off

Algophilia: You find pleasure in pain

Allopellia: You like watching other people do it

Allorgasmia: You think about someone else to reach climax

Altocalciphilia: High heel fetish

Amaurophilia: You like your partner blindfolded

Anasteemaphilia: Attracted to a difference in height

Androminetophilia: Boys who do girls dressed as boys

Amomaxia: You can't stop doing it in parked cars

Amychesis: Scratching during sex

Axillism: Sex with your partner's armpit

Basoexia: Sexual arousal from kissing

Belonephilia: Aroused by pins, needles, or other sharp objects

Capnolagnia: When smoking gets you horny

Claustrophilia: You love being in a confined space

Coprolalia: Naughty words float your boat

Dacrylagnia: You love it when your partner cries

Emetophilia: You have a vice for vomit

Endytophilia: Enjoy doing it with your clothes on

Eproctolagnia: A fetish for farting

Harmatophilia: Penchant for partners who are useless in bed

Harpaxophilia: Being robbed leaves you weak at the knees

Hypephilia: Attraction to fabrics

Iantronudia: Exposing yourself to the doc gets you going

Moriaphilia: Arousal from telling dirty jokes

Oculolinctus: Eyeball licking

Odontophilia: Tooth fetish

Phygephilia: Weakness for buttock kissing

Teledildonics: Arousal from computer sex games

Tragolimia: Craving for sex

Zelophilia: Arousal from jealousy

Choosing an Online Dating Service
by Noreen Ruth

If you're new to online dating, just the vast number of sites available for you to choose from can be daunting. To make the process easier the first and probably most important decision to make is to define exactly what you're looking to get out of a dating service. Are you looking for a lifelong relationship, a friend to share common interests, a sexual encounter or a chat buddy?

The top dating services. such as Yahoo! Personals, eHarmony and Match.com focus on one type of relationship. On these sites you know upfront what the other members are looking for when you make contact. If you are not exactly sure about your specific intentions, check out the sites that offer more than one type of relationship within the same site. Be sure you look for one that has the different communities separated so that you don't have to guess what the intentions of the poster may be.

Know Who You Want to Meet
Dating services will bring positive results only when you're able to see a mental picture of the person you would want to meet and find words to describe him or her in details that convey the traits that are most important to you. Consider not only the physical attributes of the person but their personality, lifestyle, hobbies, religious and political preferences. If there is one trait that is a 'must-have', consider searching for a dating service that specializes in bringing together people who share that common interest. The specialty dating services you can visit are as diverse as your imagination -- biker babes, vegans, pet-lovers, pagan, etc.

Site Features Make the Process Easier
Who has time to click through thousands of profiles to find the 'perfect' match? The tools that are offered on a site can make your search faster, more relevant and ultimately more fun. Matchmaking features offer you a way to 'fine-tune' your search so that you're not wading through profiles that are far from the results you're looking for. Some sites run your search on a regular basis automatically and send new prospects that meet your profile to your email. On a general dating site, you may receive several profiles each day. If, however, you opt to use a more 'serious' service (designed for people looking for a marriage partner), you may receive one or two matches a month.

Take Personality Tests As a way to help their clients learn about themselves and their potential partners, personality tests are offered. The more established sites often offer more insightful and detailed tests. The results of these tests, which are free with your membership, help to define compatible members. One thing to consider is whether the results are a good reflection of you, if so it stands to reason that the potential matches on the site will be reflecting their true nature, as well.

Check Out the Communications
Communication is the key to a great relationship. When choosing a dating service, consider what communication opportunities are included. If you're just trying out a service, you will probably be given limited ability to communicate (often limited to flirty icons and preset messages) with prospective dates to determine whether you want to continue at the next level which would require a subscription to the service. Once you subscribe, communication between members is usually with an on-site email or instant messaging. Typically, the more you pay for a service the more options will be available to you.

Entertainment Options If you're not looking for a serious relationship, there's still a place for you on many dating service websites. More and more sites are now offering chat rooms and forums to make friends. Entertainment features may also include quizzes, polls, contests, articles and newsletters.

Using the Service When Out of the Country
Established online dating services have extended their services into other countries around the world. You can connect in 27 different countries on Match.com; Yahoo! Personals has a new Canadian service. If you find yourself in another country, this service is a good way to chat in your native language.

Cost and Payment Options First look for free trials and try out all the features before committing to a service. The cost of using an online dating service is typically between $20 and $25 a month. With the cost pretty standard across the board, the value of your subscription is in the services offered that you will actually use. If you sign up for a service and don't take advantage of the benefits they offer, you're wasting your money. Look for discounts for signing up for several months or for joining with a friend. Some services accept money orders or checks, but most prefer credit or debit card payments.

More Resources
Be sure to explore the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) section of the service you're considering. Visit the site and explore the options available. Don't stick around too long, if you aren't enjoying the experience. Check out a great dating service review site, http://www.dateshowcase.com - Compare Best Internet Dating Sites.

About the Author
Whether you're experienced with online dating-- or new to the internet singles scene, find everything you need to choose the best online dating services at www.dateshowcase.com.

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